Poem: The Selfish Bitch-Spider

The Selfish Bitch-Spider
fooled me again.
Filled with promises of Love
"come home and sleep with me,"
a promise unfulfilled.
"I want to be in bed with you."
A lie calculated to bring me to her lair.
It worked.
Despite all my past experience in her lair,
I truly thought it would be different this time.
I always think it will be different
with her.

But it never is.

She cares only for herself
and I'm still left wishing
she cared for me.
Will I ever stop falling for it?
I must,
because the tears
and the breaking of my heart
can't keep on forever.

Yelling at me like I'm a dog,
"Never do that!"
I was promised a cuddle in bed
and instead I got screaming, insults,
emotional battery.
I'm already homeless, you Bitch -
Why must you make me feel worse?

Why must I love someone
who doesn't love me right?
It's not fair.
It's my abusive childhood all over again.
I knew it all before hand,
like I usually do.
Told myself not to hang out with her,
just to leave...

But she opens her eyes
and promises to Love me,
and I fall for it every time -
I want to be loved so badly.
It's so lonely on the streets.
So alone all the time...
An invitation like hers
is hard to pass up.

All she had to do
was be quiet and hold me.
But this was too much,
too much to ask from her.
Queen of her domain
she does whatever she wants,
whenever she wants,
and if I want to cuddle
instead of watching TV,
I can go fuck myself,
because she is
the only one that matters,
in this, her world.

She doesn't care about me.
I hope I can remember that,
in the future.
I can't trust her to be nice to me.
To think of what's good for me,
to do right by me;
The Selfish Spider-Bitch.
So beautiful, so heartless.
I can't trust myself not to fall
for her again.

I never want to see her again.
My life is full of abuse
and I don't need any more.
It will just lead to another
suicide attempt,
with acompanying bad days in tow.
How could someone be so selfish?
How could I love someone like that?

Because I'm used to the selfish-
my family also is expert at
promising Gold and handing out Shit.
My Mom, especially.
She'll promise anything to get me to visit,
then she'll just scream at me,
call me names,
and forget that she promised at all.

I doubt I'll ever see her again.