Poem: Fake Friends

Those people are dead to me now.
Burned up in a moment of rage.
No love or forgiveness,
for one such as me,
though why I don't know,
I deserve it.

When sides become chosen
there's no one on mine,
just me,
and the ghost of my thoughts
for all time.

Paper-thin all my friendships,
dissolved in an instant,
I cry for connection that deeper,
but where is it?

At first comes regret, then shame, embarassment.
Self-Pity, depression, acceptance.
Then back-sliding, attempts to fix,
and apologies, realization
that there is no going back
for me.

The hate and disgust
my peers feel for me,
like metal gone rust
stuck out in the rain.

If only they knew
my true feelings inside,
they'd love me the most,
not cast me aside.

But that's just a dream
and reality sticks.
Alone in my pain,
all my "friends" are short-lived.

Forgiveness and warmth
are feelings unknown:
Not given, not seen,
no calls on my phone.

For a few angry words
is enough to destroy
all semblance of friendship
for this little boy.

Al that this proves is
the hate all along.
I never was loved,
it's been faked,
an illusion.

And so I grow older
and learn the hard truths.
It's better to be unknown
than known as uncouth.