Poem: Homecoming

Coming home today
I had the momentary dellusion
that you would be there
waiting for me.
We would hug each other close
as we murmered our apologies
between hot kisses and warm tears.

Oh, how I wished you'd be there.

Nothing met me at home
as usual
but the empty shack
and the birds.
Never had my home felt so empty
nor my homecoming so pointless.

Yesterday I found my monster.
Felt things i don't even want
to admit.
I never knew I could feel
so evil.
I never knew I could hate
myself so much.
But mostly I never knew
the desire to hurt
the one I love.

It lives within me.

Though it's gone,
right now,
I caught it.
I know it's there
just waiting.
For the proper stimulus.

It's better I'm alone,
you see?
A monster lurks inside.
Protect us both
by leaving me;

Once loved,
Now loveless,
Forever unloveable.