Repost: Holliday Letters Between a Father and his Son

Holliday Letters Between a Father and His Only Son

Letter #1 From Son to Father:

"Hi Dad,

Merry ChanuKwanzMas and Happy New Year! Your Dentist keeps sending me these Dental Reminders. I've emailed back telling him that you make all my appointments with him and they should be emailing you, but he keeps emailing me, so I thought I'd just forward it along so you can either schedule one for me or remind him to stop emailing me. Wishing you all the very best!

Love,

John jr."

Letter #1 From Father to Son:

"Just remove yourself from the e mails. You would not like a father who beat you your whole life to pay for your dental work, because then you could not play your academy award winning role of 'THE VICTUM'.

John Q. Doe"

Letter #2 from Son to Father:

"I wasn't asking for a father (and even if I was, it's a little late now; I'm all grown up), I was asking for an email removal or action regarding a Dentist that you were recently sending me to and paying for; Nothing more, nothing less. I apologize if you misunderstood.

I'm 31 now, Dad. Technically you only beat me for about 1/4 of my life, but that's in the distant past for me. I'm truly sorry that it is still very present for you. I love you very much despite your sadly ongoing mental war with me, despite our past, I can't help it (though sometimes I wish I could), blood is thicker than water.

But anyways, this was just about a simple email request, not your resentment towards me or what I view as ancient history. I hope one day you can view it as the same. I have asked to be removed, but I'll try again. Thanks for responding so fast and again Have a happy New Year!

John jr

P.S. Did it ever occur to you that YOU may be acting out 'THE VICTIM' (misspelled by you)? You are acting out the role of the poor father who did everything he could for his messed up lying kid who says that the poor victim father abused him, when really the father was wonderful. Poor, poor, father, to be stuck with such a bad child. Bad from birth. Nothing the son did was the Father's fault! The Father did everything he could, but the Boy was just born bad and always was mean to the Father?

You have given me some good advice over the years (and some bad advice), maybe you should turn your eye towards yourself one day?

P.P.S. Whether you believe it or not I FORGIVE YOU for the way you treated me as a child. You did the best that you knew how to do at the time and you provided for the family very well financially. Even if you never forgive me for whatever it is that is still sticking in your craw about me; I STILL FORGIVE YOU.

Letter #3 from Father to Son

"YOU are as crazy as your mother, your both idiots.

John Q. Doe"

Letter #3 from Son to Father

"Again, your grammar is a bit mistaken Dad. Your letter should read 'You're both idiots,' as in the contraction 'You are,' rather than 'your' which refers to possession.

My mother is a teacher and a published author who has won awards for her work. She definitely has her mental faults and she is definitely a little crazy, but she is no idiot. I love her, I'm very proud of her, and the fact that you, my father, think it's appropriate to speak to me about my mother that way shows the truth of your character and ability as a father; Ugly.

As for me I've been scoring as a Genius on every Academic test I have ever taken and though I may be a bit crazy (everyone is), I'm certainly not an idiot. If you were able to understand my published works you would see that. My readers are some of the smartest people in the world and their compliments mean a lot more than the resentful insults of my senior citizen father. Your opinion of me ceased to matter a long time ago, you might as well keep it to yourself.

I feel sorry for you that you can only communicate by means of insults, but I guess that's one of the reason's we don't communicate much. Despite your venom, I'm also proud of you and the work that you've done; Building yourself up from nothing and the legacy of buildings you will leave on the earth and the pages of Architectural Digest after you go (Until they are inevitably torn down). Goodbye for now Dad. I hope next time I hear from you, you are a little nicer.

On a side note: It's a very odd and ironic feeling for me to suddenly find that our situation is now reversed; For once I am the adult and you are the angry child. You once told me that people age like wine and from what I read, you sound like Sour Grapes. That's too bad. You can say all the mean things you want, it only reflects on your character, not mine, and certainly not my mother's. Those words are wasted on me; I don't even hear them any more.

But before you die, in the distant future, (since I don't anticipate your attitude changing before then, though I pray) I just wanted to make sure I set the record straight. That I forgive you. That I love you.
Goodbye.

Letter #4 from Father to Son

"The fact that you would respond to me proves that you are an idiot.

John Q. Doe"

Letter #4 from Son to Father

"Touche! And the fact that you write me back proves...?"

Poem: Texts, Tears, Tales...

She texts me again.
To tell me she "misses me,"
too.
She has sen the Poem about her
on my Blog;
The one I called
"I Miss Her."

I've told her before
not to mistake my blog
for "Truth."
Explaining it's only "Poetry."
only "Art."
She's never listened.

The last time we communicated
I told her never to email,
write,
or text to me,
ever again.
But she could phone
or visit
if she felt she wanted to.
In fact, I've told her,
asked her,
and begged her
many times
not to text me at all.
She's never listened before.

Against my "instincts",
my "better judgment,"
the advice of others,
my pride and self-esteem.
Pulled by my Blind-Heart,
loneliness,
habit,
and sleeplessness...
I texted her back,
wanting to know
the Only 3 Things
which she could tell me
that would make me Happy:

(1)First, that she had found good Doctors
who were prescribing her good, working, medicines;
for her painful medical problems.

(2)Second,
that she was taking her Medications as prescribed,
that they were enough,
that she no longer needed to go "outside" the Medical System
for relief.

And (3)Third,
the most painful to me personally.
That she had realized how unhealthy
her chronic ex-lover Jason was.
The Jason who she once "Loved more than me."
The Jason she had lied to me for.
The Jason who had abused her
over and over and over:
That she had finally realized he was bad for her.
That she had finally found the power
and self-respect
to cut him out of
her life forever.

The only answer I got was number (3) Three,
ignoring my questions (2) and (1):
"Jason and she are still 'platonic' friends."

The kick to my stomach.

She texts again:
"Can we talk on the phone?"

.
.
.

"If you call, I will answer."
I replied
after praying
after meditating.
(Though I wanted
to hear her voice so badly,
to see her, so badly.
To be inside her,
smell her again!
All of it, so badly).

I prepared myself for her call, waiting for hours.
Finally she texted again:
"I've wanted to call you so badly for the last two months,
that I'm too choked up to call right now...
give me a little time to rest."

Me texting, "OK."

Hours more of painful waiting for her.
Proud that no tears had come.
Amazed, really,
that I wasn't falling apart,
like I used to...

Finally it was nighttine,
time for me to sleep.
She didn't call.
My wish for something New with her was falling apart.
Everything was Old, so Old all over again.
Debating myself to send another text,
realizing I never should have answered the first one.
I went on with our sick, old, game:
"I will be going to bed soon, FYI," I texted,
"After all we've been through,
I don't care if you are crying,
or out of it, just call me please...
if you want to."

Her text came fast back to me:
"I just woke up, I'm still a little tired,
I hope you have a wonderful sleep
and sweet, sweet, dreams.
I love you and miss you,
but you can call me whenever you want,
if you feel like it,
Goodnight."

.
.
.

Illusion shattered in me
like a rock through a stained-glass window.

It had been a trick,
the same old trick,
and I'd fallen for it again.
Just like I'd used to.
She never was going to call me,
just manipulation games
to see how I'd respond.

My Final Text:
"I am not ready to communicate with you again.
I am willing/wanting to talk to you if you call.
Besides that, nothing has changed between us.
Thank you for your texts. My best."

Sadness in the pit of my stomach,
but no tears, no blame, no self pity.
Slightly amazed at the
Serenity and Clarity
I feel toward the incident.
I thought (prayed) that I got away unscathed.

But lying in bed, sleep did not come.
Eventually getting back up, puttering around,
meditating and praying for hours,
doing rituals I hadn't done in years;
Anything to keep me from the old pain
she brings.

Finally collapsing, fully dressed, on my bed,
Around 5:AM; I wake up again at 9:AM,
surprised by my pleasant dreams.
I still hope she finds the Courage to call.
I still pray, if she does, that I have the Security,
to Forgive her for everything past,
That my words to her will be filled
only with Truth and Love,
not with Resentment.
Praying that she will hear me.

I cannot force her to understand.
I cannot make her to respect my wishes and boundaries.
I cannot, though I want to so badly,
make her choose her friends wisely.
Rather than just accepting, whoever sticks to her.

All I can do is to wait and to work.
Wait to see if she get's better,
work on making myself better
in the meantime.
The proof of these words
is the Love I still have for her,
manifesting not in Tears and Self-Pity,
but in Patience,
and Acceptance,
of Reality.

Poem: Email

Just another e-mail
that batters my brain.
Just another email
which fills me with pain.

Just another e-mail
which keeps asking "Why?"
Just another e-mail
that's making me sigh.

There's rarely good news,
it's usually just crap.
The made up waste matter
of people in stacks.

As crap-throwing monkey's
we've come not so far,
for email-throwing humans
is what we now are.

Repost: Letter from Abusive Mom

(This is a REAL e-mail my mother just sent me. I have been listening to this stuff from her for years and my Psychiatrists, Therapists, and I, believe it is a major factor in my current anxiety and depression issues)


How long is this agony going to continue? Everyone tells me not to write you and certainly not to read your blog...you have to realize there is my point of view also...it's not right that you just spout on about your point of view: 1. You DO have a family...but, you don't want them. I have offered time and time again to come and get you but you will have nothing of it. You won't even meet me for lunch, for God's sake. All you want from me is MONEY. 2. You are not an addict just because of your back. I warned you that your family on the maternal and fraternal side had abusive alcoholics.... That fact has affected all of us. Why do you think I've chosen abusive men as mates? Oh well, at least, you have admitted that you are abusive, also. I guess that is a start.

You do have a home. I bought this house with a pool house for you to live in or at least stay in, when you
were visiting.

GIVE IT UP! Call me and get back in recovery...or do you want me to arrange for you to return to the Orloff House (at least, that seemed to work for awhile....)

I could not afford to keep Kearny. You don't seem to understand that. Don't you think I would have loved to have kept it. How do you think I felt when I had to sell it? You practically bankrupted me. If my dear mom hadn't left me some money I would have gone under. I am 64 (almost 65) and am still teaching. Do you think I am teaching for fun? Well, I am stable now financially and I'm not going broke because of you. You are old enough to earn your own money and stop living off the public teat.

If I sound mad, I am. This nonsense has gone on for almost twenty years now. Yes, since you were ten. I like the way you start your bio at 15 at UC Berkeley. What went on the five years before then? Your being kicked out of two schools, dropping out of two and running away from home and two other programs. I was by myself with no support and Dad was making my single life very difficult. You could have helped me then (as other kids have chosen to do with their single parents) but no, you had to make my life more challenging than ever.

ACCEPT THE THINGS YOU CANNOT CHANGE (me, Dad, Tom, Terry, Kearny house gone), CHANGE THE THINGS YOU CAN (your future)

(I know you don't believe it but I love you and always have) You break my heart,

Mom

Repost: Letter From Mom (The Last?)

(Well, here's the latest, and hopefully the last for a while)

OH MY GOD...YOU ARE 29! Life is passing by...is this lifestyle what you want for yourself?

You know, other people have feelings, too. You had to take anxiety meds to answer my e-mail? What has happened to us, Barrett? Have you forgotten all the wonderful times? The movies we've seen together, the trips we've taken, the birthday parties, Halloweens, Wednesday coffee at Caffe Roma, weekend breakfast at The Eagle Cafe, other holidays and friends? Is it only the bad stuff that matters and that you remember?

I'm sorry that you feel that my e-mails are negative and since you don't appreciate the wisdom that I'm am trying to pass on to you, I see no reason to continue.

Bye,

Mother

Fictional Letter: Dear Son

Dear Son,
It's so easy, Son, why don't you just do it?! We have been telling you for years and you are still a total and complete failure for the sole reason that you didn't listen to us.
At any moment you could make the right decision, for a change, and finally be the good person you were meant to be. But for whatever reason you refuse to listen to us, your loving and benevelant parents who only want the best for you.
Yes: Everything you are and have ever been is a failure. But it's not too late! If only you just decide to change, then you can be OK. Because you are not OK the way you are now, that is so obvious we need not even say it. You are an unfortunate, criminal, self-pitying, parent-blaming, addict-bum, despite everything we have done to try and help you. We are totally innocent and you are completely guilty. We have never once made the slightest mistake, besides possibly loving you too much and spoiling you. Yes, that is the worst we did.
You were just a bad child since birth, for as long as we can remember. No matter what we did you would act out. Really you were a curse on our marriage. Everything was going wonderful until you were born, then you broke up our maarriage. We are sorry to say it, but it's the truth. You've been in the way since the begining and you have never stopped being a bother.
We are so sorry you choose to live the life of a homosexual drug addict bum. We wish you had chosen a better road, so we will not send you any money ever because we refuse to support you in your anal sex and spray paint inhailing.
We hope you grow up one day, Son. You are only getting uglier and stupider every day, so you'd better find a mate soon. Preferably an abusive one just like us.

Love,

Your Parents

P.S. Please get with it! Just become good! Do it! We want you to! You wont regret it! Make the right choice!

Repost: Letter from Mom

(this is the latest e-mail mom sent me. Havn't seen her for 2 years or talked for 1,Um... I'm 29)

I resent Tom saying I do not want you to succeed. That is a blatant lie! He is projecting his own feelings onto yours. You know I love you unconditionally and I did everything I could to help you succeed. Doling out money is not the answer at this point...you are 28 and have to learn to stand on your own two feet. I paid you $1000/month as long as you were in college. You knew the rules!

You have convinced yourself (the mind can do that!) that you had a horrible childhood and your father molested you. You did not have a horrible childhood (I have photo albums to prove it) and your father did not molest you. Your father is a jerk with terrible values and he can be really mean but he was thrilled when you were born. We did our best to be good parents. Yes, we were limited but so are a lot of people. Jesus, be a little resilient...you sound like a broken record and as you get older, you are going to discover that everyone has a story. Yours is no worse than others. Go to a meeting and find out.

Also, as your mother I need to remind you, your good looks will not last forever...sorry, but that's the truth. It's life...it's reality.

Letter Repost: Best Dumping I've Ever Got

[Names Changed to protect the Innocent. Best Dumping I ever got, but strangely similar to others.]

Dearest Jane Doe,
I just got home from our wonderful afternoon of love. I felt the need to email you tonight after having realized something about you and me. (I wish I could speak to you in person, but I'm leaving on Saturday morning and don't know if I could set up a rendezvous soon enough.) Jane Doe, you are so amazing. I am so immensely attracted to you it makes me crazy...your charm, your mind, your smiles, your loving...they make me so incredibly happy! You have inspired me, given me so much, and never asked for anything back.
I feel though like I can't be a good girlfriend to you. I want you to be completely in my life, but for some reason thats an issue for me.


It's totally my issue, because I worry about my friends' opinions way too much. But I do value their friendship a whole lot, and I know they want the best for me. And I know they will judge you based on your economic status and if you have a house or job or not, and it fucking sucks that it's like that. But I can't deny that it will happen, even though I wish it wouldn't. And I need someone that can be completely in my life.


I would love to be with you for a long long time Jane, but I'm afraid that I can't be your lover. Please please please forgive me...because I really really really don't want to say goodbye. This pains me so so much. I would love for us to stay together. The moments that you have given me have been so indescribably wonderful, I wouldn't trade them for anything. But eventually I'm going to need someone stable with a job that I can settle down with. And on Saturday I am going home, seeing my family, seeing Biff (who I dated over christmas) and that will probably resume.


Maybe we are meant to be friends Jane, not lovers. I don't know. It will be hard for me to not be your lover, but I think I could maybe do it. Anyway, I'm very glad to know you Jane, and would like to continue knowing you.


I'm sorry that this was said through email and not in the real non-electronic world. But maybe it's good that it was said here, because if I were to see you I don't think I could even do this. You completely capture me. All of these words are honest and from my heart.


Love always,
Cleopatra