Repost: Holliday Letters Between a Father and his Son

Holliday Letters Between a Father and His Only Son

Letter #1 From Son to Father:

"Hi Dad,

Merry ChanuKwanzMas and Happy New Year! Your Dentist keeps sending me these Dental Reminders. I've emailed back telling him that you make all my appointments with him and they should be emailing you, but he keeps emailing me, so I thought I'd just forward it along so you can either schedule one for me or remind him to stop emailing me. Wishing you all the very best!

Love,

John jr."

Letter #1 From Father to Son:

"Just remove yourself from the e mails. You would not like a father who beat you your whole life to pay for your dental work, because then you could not play your academy award winning role of 'THE VICTUM'.

John Q. Doe"

Letter #2 from Son to Father:

"I wasn't asking for a father (and even if I was, it's a little late now; I'm all grown up), I was asking for an email removal or action regarding a Dentist that you were recently sending me to and paying for; Nothing more, nothing less. I apologize if you misunderstood.

I'm 31 now, Dad. Technically you only beat me for about 1/4 of my life, but that's in the distant past for me. I'm truly sorry that it is still very present for you. I love you very much despite your sadly ongoing mental war with me, despite our past, I can't help it (though sometimes I wish I could), blood is thicker than water.

But anyways, this was just about a simple email request, not your resentment towards me or what I view as ancient history. I hope one day you can view it as the same. I have asked to be removed, but I'll try again. Thanks for responding so fast and again Have a happy New Year!

John jr

P.S. Did it ever occur to you that YOU may be acting out 'THE VICTIM' (misspelled by you)? You are acting out the role of the poor father who did everything he could for his messed up lying kid who says that the poor victim father abused him, when really the father was wonderful. Poor, poor, father, to be stuck with such a bad child. Bad from birth. Nothing the son did was the Father's fault! The Father did everything he could, but the Boy was just born bad and always was mean to the Father?

You have given me some good advice over the years (and some bad advice), maybe you should turn your eye towards yourself one day?

P.P.S. Whether you believe it or not I FORGIVE YOU for the way you treated me as a child. You did the best that you knew how to do at the time and you provided for the family very well financially. Even if you never forgive me for whatever it is that is still sticking in your craw about me; I STILL FORGIVE YOU.

Letter #3 from Father to Son

"YOU are as crazy as your mother, your both idiots.

John Q. Doe"

Letter #3 from Son to Father

"Again, your grammar is a bit mistaken Dad. Your letter should read 'You're both idiots,' as in the contraction 'You are,' rather than 'your' which refers to possession.

My mother is a teacher and a published author who has won awards for her work. She definitely has her mental faults and she is definitely a little crazy, but she is no idiot. I love her, I'm very proud of her, and the fact that you, my father, think it's appropriate to speak to me about my mother that way shows the truth of your character and ability as a father; Ugly.

As for me I've been scoring as a Genius on every Academic test I have ever taken and though I may be a bit crazy (everyone is), I'm certainly not an idiot. If you were able to understand my published works you would see that. My readers are some of the smartest people in the world and their compliments mean a lot more than the resentful insults of my senior citizen father. Your opinion of me ceased to matter a long time ago, you might as well keep it to yourself.

I feel sorry for you that you can only communicate by means of insults, but I guess that's one of the reason's we don't communicate much. Despite your venom, I'm also proud of you and the work that you've done; Building yourself up from nothing and the legacy of buildings you will leave on the earth and the pages of Architectural Digest after you go (Until they are inevitably torn down). Goodbye for now Dad. I hope next time I hear from you, you are a little nicer.

On a side note: It's a very odd and ironic feeling for me to suddenly find that our situation is now reversed; For once I am the adult and you are the angry child. You once told me that people age like wine and from what I read, you sound like Sour Grapes. That's too bad. You can say all the mean things you want, it only reflects on your character, not mine, and certainly not my mother's. Those words are wasted on me; I don't even hear them any more.

But before you die, in the distant future, (since I don't anticipate your attitude changing before then, though I pray) I just wanted to make sure I set the record straight. That I forgive you. That I love you.
Goodbye.

Letter #4 from Father to Son

"The fact that you would respond to me proves that you are an idiot.

John Q. Doe"

Letter #4 from Son to Father

"Touche! And the fact that you write me back proves...?"

Poem: Lovers and Parents Gone

She's a soft and hollow memory,
Every breath further away.
My Missing unchanged,
but farther,
distant.
The Love hasn't changed,
but the Absence
makes it Bearable.
Somehow my heart's
Missing
of old Lovers
is intertwined with the pain
of my Parents;
Their past and present
Abuse
still Unforgiven.
This lack of Forgiveness
causes me Pain,
no matter how Justifiable
their Guilt.
Perhaps my Lovers need Forgiveness, too.
The Pain of their Absence,
The Pain of their...
Not Understanding Me Enough,
The Pain of their Not...
Loving
Me Enough.
In the end it seems
the Crime's the same;
Lover and Parent.
Not Enough Love.
The Answer?
The healing ointment balm,
Forgiveness.
Such an easy word to say,
Not always an easy thing to do.
Gods know I've been trying for years.
But blotting it out
only makes the Pain stronger,
while Facing It brings me to tears.
So tears it will be
and tears it will stay.
Until the rains of my salty waters
turn into healing.
And the Pain
recedes
into dust.

Poem: Letters From Mother

My Email should not be my Enemy.
Letters from Mother, causing Pain in my Heart;
Living, pulsing, pain.
"I'm too old to still be hurt by words," I think,
knowing all the while it's not true.
Mother rarely cared about Me.
Mostly she cared about the dillusions
she made in her head.
Pictures of a "happy family."
No, she never tried to commit suicide,
when I was a baby.
Not to get away from the cruel fists
of my Father.
No, she never broke promise,
after promise, after promise,
after promise, after promise,
to Me.
For as long as I can remember:
The Promise-Breaking Mother,
The Liar Mother,
The Selfish Mother.
Her only reparation was
Money or Toys.
No apology.
No respect.
No validation.
No freedom for Me.
Money or Toys?
I got to pick one,
as a child,
but as an Adult?
Nothing.
But a Mother who keeps her word?
Well,
it's too late for that,
now.
A Mother who cares more about Me,
than whatever drunk penis
she is dating at the time?
Sorry, son, it's too late.
Yes, I hear the anger in my words.
Feel the warm, salty, tears on my face.
For all her Abuse and imperfections,
Biology demands that I love her.
So I do.
So I have to remain Celibate;
Dare not to repeat
her mistakes.

Poem: Mother's Surgery

My Mother's in the Hospital;
Surgery for a broken hip.
I can't even afford to visit her.
What kind of Son am I?

The day will come
when She will die.
No longer will I be able to rely
on her sporadic
giftcards and money
in the mail.

Pathetic, poor, and weak,
I am.
Everything
my Father predicted.

I'm terrified
to be alone.
Though it feels like
I always have been.

My Mother's in the Hospital;
Surgery for a broken hip.
At least,
that's what
they tell me.

Poem: Bargaining with my Father

The only bargaining chip I have at my father's table is me; My physical presence, my conversation, my dress.

If he refuses to capitulate I have no choice, but to call in my only marker; me.

I have more time than he does on Earth, and he knows this, too.

All I have to do is wait for him and go on with my life. He'll either fold and help me monetarily, or he will not and he'll die alone.

Poem: No More Lunches With Dad

It takes a Big Man to
blame everything on a woman and child.
He takes no responsibility for his actions.

My Father and Mother
have exactly one thing in common
(besides me)
They are both incapable of
taking responsibility for their actions.
No apologies to be heard.

One of the proudest days of my life,
was when I began to take responsibility
for my actions.
All of them.
Good and Bad.
Right and Wrong.
Past and Future.

He cannot hear what I say.
Demands fealty
where none has been earned.
Drinks in front of me carelessly,
knowing I'm an alcoholic.
Speaks the exact same delusions
he spoke at the last two lunches.
As if rehearsed in his mind:
"Your bad childhood was all your mother's fault."
And my favorite,
"In many tribes the son is removed from his mother
and given over to his father's care."
He always says this while
raising his eyebrows suggestively at me.
The implication being
that I am a Mamma's Boy,
for being near her for so long.

Perhaps the best part
was when we were talking about computers,
and he asked very seriously,
"Can hackers get into my computer
when it is turned off?"
"Not that I know of,"
I answered mysteriously.

My request for money or spare change was
predictably
denied.

Should I prostitute myself to him
for the price of a meal?
Some people say "yes."
Because he is wealthy.
Because I am poor.
Because he will die some day.
Because he is my Father.

Fie, I say!
Let him rot in his Hell!

He will enjoy his lunches alone.

See you in a few years, Dad.

Poem: Dad Skips Lunch

Stupid Father
Slippery Eel
Ugly Old Gnome
with no Heart to Feel.
Careless with words,
but not so with money.
Thinking my Trauma's
are silly or funny.
Broken old Alchi
with noone who cares,
no one who knows,
what he means by his stares.
Daft old fool
whose wasted his life;
Abusing his son
and insulting is wife.
Sterile Stud
far past his prime,
his funeral is due;
It's now his bed time.

Repost: Letter from Abusive Mom

(This is a REAL e-mail my mother just sent me. I have been listening to this stuff from her for years and my Psychiatrists, Therapists, and I, believe it is a major factor in my current anxiety and depression issues)


How long is this agony going to continue? Everyone tells me not to write you and certainly not to read your blog...you have to realize there is my point of view also...it's not right that you just spout on about your point of view: 1. You DO have a family...but, you don't want them. I have offered time and time again to come and get you but you will have nothing of it. You won't even meet me for lunch, for God's sake. All you want from me is MONEY. 2. You are not an addict just because of your back. I warned you that your family on the maternal and fraternal side had abusive alcoholics.... That fact has affected all of us. Why do you think I've chosen abusive men as mates? Oh well, at least, you have admitted that you are abusive, also. I guess that is a start.

You do have a home. I bought this house with a pool house for you to live in or at least stay in, when you
were visiting.

GIVE IT UP! Call me and get back in recovery...or do you want me to arrange for you to return to the Orloff House (at least, that seemed to work for awhile....)

I could not afford to keep Kearny. You don't seem to understand that. Don't you think I would have loved to have kept it. How do you think I felt when I had to sell it? You practically bankrupted me. If my dear mom hadn't left me some money I would have gone under. I am 64 (almost 65) and am still teaching. Do you think I am teaching for fun? Well, I am stable now financially and I'm not going broke because of you. You are old enough to earn your own money and stop living off the public teat.

If I sound mad, I am. This nonsense has gone on for almost twenty years now. Yes, since you were ten. I like the way you start your bio at 15 at UC Berkeley. What went on the five years before then? Your being kicked out of two schools, dropping out of two and running away from home and two other programs. I was by myself with no support and Dad was making my single life very difficult. You could have helped me then (as other kids have chosen to do with their single parents) but no, you had to make my life more challenging than ever.

ACCEPT THE THINGS YOU CANNOT CHANGE (me, Dad, Tom, Terry, Kearny house gone), CHANGE THE THINGS YOU CAN (your future)

(I know you don't believe it but I love you and always have) You break my heart,

Mom

Repost: Letter From Mom (The Last?)

(Well, here's the latest, and hopefully the last for a while)

OH MY GOD...YOU ARE 29! Life is passing by...is this lifestyle what you want for yourself?

You know, other people have feelings, too. You had to take anxiety meds to answer my e-mail? What has happened to us, Barrett? Have you forgotten all the wonderful times? The movies we've seen together, the trips we've taken, the birthday parties, Halloweens, Wednesday coffee at Caffe Roma, weekend breakfast at The Eagle Cafe, other holidays and friends? Is it only the bad stuff that matters and that you remember?

I'm sorry that you feel that my e-mails are negative and since you don't appreciate the wisdom that I'm am trying to pass on to you, I see no reason to continue.

Bye,

Mother

Fictional Letter: Dear Son

Dear Son,
It's so easy, Son, why don't you just do it?! We have been telling you for years and you are still a total and complete failure for the sole reason that you didn't listen to us.
At any moment you could make the right decision, for a change, and finally be the good person you were meant to be. But for whatever reason you refuse to listen to us, your loving and benevelant parents who only want the best for you.
Yes: Everything you are and have ever been is a failure. But it's not too late! If only you just decide to change, then you can be OK. Because you are not OK the way you are now, that is so obvious we need not even say it. You are an unfortunate, criminal, self-pitying, parent-blaming, addict-bum, despite everything we have done to try and help you. We are totally innocent and you are completely guilty. We have never once made the slightest mistake, besides possibly loving you too much and spoiling you. Yes, that is the worst we did.
You were just a bad child since birth, for as long as we can remember. No matter what we did you would act out. Really you were a curse on our marriage. Everything was going wonderful until you were born, then you broke up our maarriage. We are sorry to say it, but it's the truth. You've been in the way since the begining and you have never stopped being a bother.
We are so sorry you choose to live the life of a homosexual drug addict bum. We wish you had chosen a better road, so we will not send you any money ever because we refuse to support you in your anal sex and spray paint inhailing.
We hope you grow up one day, Son. You are only getting uglier and stupider every day, so you'd better find a mate soon. Preferably an abusive one just like us.

Love,

Your Parents

P.S. Please get with it! Just become good! Do it! We want you to! You wont regret it! Make the right choice!

Repost: Letter from Mom

(this is the latest e-mail mom sent me. Havn't seen her for 2 years or talked for 1,Um... I'm 29)

I resent Tom saying I do not want you to succeed. That is a blatant lie! He is projecting his own feelings onto yours. You know I love you unconditionally and I did everything I could to help you succeed. Doling out money is not the answer at this point...you are 28 and have to learn to stand on your own two feet. I paid you $1000/month as long as you were in college. You knew the rules!

You have convinced yourself (the mind can do that!) that you had a horrible childhood and your father molested you. You did not have a horrible childhood (I have photo albums to prove it) and your father did not molest you. Your father is a jerk with terrible values and he can be really mean but he was thrilled when you were born. We did our best to be good parents. Yes, we were limited but so are a lot of people. Jesus, be a little resilient...you sound like a broken record and as you get older, you are going to discover that everyone has a story. Yours is no worse than others. Go to a meeting and find out.

Also, as your mother I need to remind you, your good looks will not last forever...sorry, but that's the truth. It's life...it's reality.