Poem: For Christian

Can't look at your blog,
can't look at your webpage.
There is no "reason" behind it;
only feelings.
In this you are almost unique.
There is only one other
whose life I avoid
as much as yours.
Out of hundreds of thousands,
there are only two.
She... and now you, too.

I love your work.
I admire and appreciate
everything that you do,
to the extreme.
Paradoxically;
This is why I avoid it.
Because you are not mine.
I can not have you.
And I'm jelous of
every single one
of your fans,
who get to appreciate you
untroubled.
Pure you, just for them.
Wishing I could be them;
Enjoying your art
without being warped
by personnal prejudice
-impossible for me.
I avoid it because
I already love you enough.
I do not need to love you more
and I'm scared of what would happen
if I did.

You are so beautiful, everywhere.
Not just your face, though it is.
Not just your body, though it is.
Not just your mind, though it is.
Not just your feelings, though they are.
Not just your intentions,
seen in your eyes,
though they are.
Not just what we see,
it's what you really are,
though you don't realize it.
You owe it to us, to love yourself.

You are not alone.
We love you.
Though you deserve more.