List: Things I Learned as an Employee

1) There are four basic types of co-workers:
a) Those who feel threatened by you for no reason and who routinely try to undermine, attack, and blame you.
b) Those who are your friends. They cover for you, conspire with you, and provide the only impetus to actually staying working as well as the only joy during working hours.
c) Those you depend on for parts of your job who do miserable excuses for work, constantly avoiding you, loathing you, and making your working life even more difficult due to their ineptness.
d) Those you don't even know who spy on you, listen to your calls, and gossip about you crassly to all who will participate in social crusifixions.

2) Promises from managers for raises or vacation are lies unless you have it in writing.

3) All companies contain graft.

4) Christians who hire homeless people to work for less than minimum wage are everywhere and not as charitable as they think they are.

5) If you know enough about how a company functions, in great technichal detail, the company will pay you well to "leave the company on good terms." This means not hacking into their network and destroying them.

6) Working 25% of the week, to pay for an apartment, cable, water, electricity, and internet I use 40% of the week when 33 1/3% of that time is spent sleeping - is unfulfilling at best, crazy at worst.

7) My managers are always moer satisfied with my work when I am high or drunk.

8) Mexican are the hardest workers I've ever seen.

9) Companies do not care for the worker, their health, or their life, no matter how much they pretend to.

10) In sales, who you know is everything. Your social life and work life are indistringuishable. Ew.

11) Drug tests are not only demeaning and insulting, but unreliable and almost completely innefective.

12) You get paid lots more and get more access to very expensive technichal equipment you would never in a million years get to touch, if you work as a Scab during a strike.

13) Never screw over a Temp agency. Their shitlist is long, never expires, and is shared with every other temp agency in existence.

14) Stealing items from work, even petty cash, laptops, and other pricey items, is almost always untraceable and profitable. If the company is large enough you will find a ring of people already engaged in this.

15) If the company you worked for goes out of business, your references are fucked.

16) It looks better on a resume to have 5 years straight at one company, than 5 different companies.

17) Getting an interiew with someone who has hireing power is the hardest part of getting a job. Even if your resume is shit; if you can impress this person, you have got the job.

18) All jobs are nothing like the hob description. All workers are nothing like thier resumes. This mutual lieing is a strange American cultural dance, the successful navigating of which results in a place in the corporate secret society zaibatsu.

19) If the company is large enough to have "corporate" and "local" devisions, be very wary not to get caught between company in-fighting and power-playing over project ownership. When approached abuot joint ventures bey either side, insist on a joint meeting. Cover your ass.

20) Physical labor can be some of the most satisfying of working situation, but if an accident occurs which leaves you unable to do labor, well, your career is over.

21) With the right contacts, training, education, time, and assistance, it is possible to live iff if student, science, non profit, and/or art foundation grants for many years

22) Managers do not understand what their technicians and/or System Administrators are saying, but they make decisions anyways.

23) The most powerful people in any major company are the Systems Administrators and the Secretaries.

24) You never know how good a job is until you have a worse one.

25) Computer skills, if not continually updated, soon become worthless.

26) Temp agencies are a great way to get into major companies for the purpose of corporate espionage.

27) I don't like working most jobs.