The Greatest *FAILURES* of my Parents'
I. The very first thing in this entire world that interested me was the Solar System, most particularly the planet Saturn with it's amazingly unique rings, and this lead me to my first childhood dream of being an Astronaut.
I can remember countless years where what I dreamed of *most* in the World was to go to "NASA's Space Camp" for a Summer. Could my parent's afford this exclusive camp? Easily. Where my grades and intelligence "up to snuff?" Absolutely. Had I actually gone to Space Camp &/or had my parents actually taken any interest at all in the fact that I was intricately interested in being an Astronaut; I would have discovered quite young that to be an Astronaut was no simple thing. It takes years of physical training (something I never became interested in until my mid-20's), The best grades, schools, contacts, understanding of Physics (always a favorite of mine) and Math (never my best subject)... In short, the *REALITY* of what it takes to be an Astronaut is so different that what my baby-mind conceived it took (never being corrected by my parents as to the difference; They just said "How cute! Little "Boo" wants to be an Astro-Not! Isn't that Adowable!), that had I been faced with it at such a young age it _MAY_ have given me the Motivation and Structure for how to lead my life... a Structure I *NEVER* received as a child, much to my detriment as a young adult.
II. The 2nd thing in this entire world which deeply *INTERESTED* me, an a young child, was the Ancient Egyptian Dynasty ruled over by King Tutankhamen, The Three main Pyramids of Giza, and everything about Mummification & Ancient Egyptian Religion.
No clear idea at all where this interest came from! No movies I saw or stories i had read to me had anything about Egypt, but there I was, in Kindergarden, checking out Library books just to look at pictures of King Tut and Mummies. With 20/20 Hindsight this clearly foretold my later devotion to the Academic Field of Anthropology, as well as a study of and appreciation for the Arabic Language as well as Hieroglyphics...
_Again_ did my parents take much notice of this? A little. But still, mostly just, "How cute!" or "How Strange!" As they laughed at their little child over their wineglasses at the dinner party we always seemed to be having. Did they explain to me how this absolute *PASSION* could be turned into a /CAREER/ later in life? Teach their only child about Archeology, Anthropology, Egyptology, Teaching & Research Careers? Did they help to turn this innate gift into anything *USEFUL* at all? Sadly, no.
III. For my K-8 School my parents tried something Novel, which I still appreciate to this day. They took me to 3 interviews; A non-nun mixed-gender Catholic school, a Casual Artsy "Rudolph Steiner" kind of school, & they took me to the Gender-Segregated Arch-Conservative Episcopalian Archdiocese of California's "Cathedral School" in a Gothic Cathedral on the top of San Francisco's Knob Hill, where students whore dress uniforms, where required to attend Mass 3 times a week before class, and has a heavily religious bent to their schedule of studies... Have you guessed which I chose? The Cathedral, of course, much to my parent's surprise (who would have much preferred the Steiner School, I imagine).
Well, this was really something indeed! My Da's Parent's are very serious Catholic's, Grampa even being a Knight of Columbus for many decades, so Da rebelled and is a Rabid Atheist of course. Ma's Folk are Relaxed Catholic's, who mingle freely with Protestants and other denominations, her Da even being a 32nd degree Scottish Rite Freemason. So she is much more an "Agnostic" Believer, happy to honor God wherever others are doing the same. Sadly, growing up, Da's Iron Fist tended to Rule the House, so "Religion/God/Spirituality" where _NOT_ topics we were encouraged to discuss.
Despite this religiously repressive environment I have always known/felt a deep and permanent connection to God/Goddess/Universal Consciousness, whatever you wish to describe it as. No matter how miserable I felt my childhood was; I never felt I was without God. One of his "little Miracles" was that I found an odd colored white audio cassette among my Ma's tapes, while rummaging around one day in my parent's stuff, as children are wont to do. This tape had a Silver Sticker on it and said something like "Terry Brooks" & "Energy Meditation."
Well, I used to have serious & chronic Insomnia in those days & it seemed there was so cure for it (except being so afraid of my Da's fists that I learned how to lay flat on my back for 8 hours and just pretend to sleep. My first "Yoga Discipline,"). This tape had Beethozen's "Bagatelle in C Minor" in the background while "Terry Brooks (I guess)" narrated an "Energy Meditation." She started with Grounding, eventually moving up to working with Chakras and how to destroy Negative Psychic Stuff. I never made it through side 2 without falling asleep. It was the only thing in the world which could do it & I listened to it ever night that I could, for many, many, years. Ma claimed she had "no idea how she got it" & that I was welcome to it...
...Did my 2 Parents make anything of the _FACTS_ that their tiny child was already Meditating Nightly and was deeply called to God? Did they try to discuss Religious Beliefs with me, potential Religious Lifestyles & Careers? Did they even give him a Bible? Of course not. It was just another funny anecdote for their Cocktail Parties. Why encourage something as "useless" as Religion?
In 4th Grade, School introduced our class to "Comparative Religions!" It may be the first exciting scholastic moment of my life. When our class visited the "Gold Mountain Sagely Buddhist Monastery" in China Town my young mind was blown. I knew the Buddha _COULD_ bring peace to my miserable, tormented, young life. I immediately spent my candy money on a mostly Chinese Book on Buddhism, much to the amusement of the Monk's there. Then I began to practice formal Buddhist Meditation. Did my parents even notice? Did they have any idea what it meant? Of course not. Just another "Odd Thing" about their "Odd Child." Nothing to encourage, mind you. Even though all our Modern Western Science Confirms that MEDITATION IN INCREDIBLY HEALTHY for not only the body, but the mind, emotions, and even Spirit. By this time I was well used to no support.
In 7th Grade I discovered "Psychic Horizons," a "Psychic Meditation" School which took the basics of sitting meditation, but added to it the exact sort of Effective Creative Visualization Technique's Employed by the "Terry Brooks" Audio Cassette of my young youth.
The staff of Psychic Horizons was stunned to say the least. They insisted on calling my Mother and having her come to an Introductory session, so she knew exactly the sort of thing her child was getting itself into. She agreed, as always, and signed a waivor or something. I continued to amaze them there, with my progress. I suppose they had never seen such a powerful Psychic so young, so self-motivated. They were *IMPRESSED* and quickly turned into a sort of family for me, always watching over me protectively and doting...
...Was my Ma _Impressed_ at being the youngest & brightest Psychic they had ever seen? Of course not. Da? Hah! I don't think he knows about that school, to this day! As always; No Respect & No Credit.
Next in the "Spiritual" category was when I began taking "Cerimonial Magick Classes" at Ancient Ways Occult Supply store in Oakland. I was by the the youngest student they had ever had there & I constantly amazed them too. They turned into my next Family & I even began attending O.T.O. Gnostic Masses & other events. Like Psychic Horizons before them, the O.T.O. insisted in my Ma attending a Gnostic Mass, to prove she knew what she was letting her 13 year old child participate in. The naked woman on the alter didn't bother her at all - though in all fairness I don't think she knew that when she ate the "Cake of Light" that the O.T.O. uses as a Communion Wafer, that she was eating the Semen & Sexual Fluids of the Naked Priestess and present Priest. But then, neither did I, yet. So she duly Signed a Waivor so that her young child could hang out with those Freaks of Nature, where I was again, possibly the youngest person to attend an O.T.O. Gnostic Mass since the 1920's. *AGAIN* taking apparently no notice at all that their child was Intensely Obsessed with Occult & Ritual matters of the most exotic sort. To them it was all just "childishness" &/or "a phase." They _Still_ could not see that God/Magick was my *LIFE* & that it always would be. But how could they? Being so inexperienced in Spiritual matters. Oh! I suppose they could have *LISTENED* to me and *LEARNED* from me (In fact my Ma _DID_ for a few years; I taught her Meditation & Tarot Cards and she was very happy with both until she just got lazy and stopped practicing...), but that would entail *RESPECTING* me as an actual *INDIVIDUAL* with a *LIFE/MIND/SOUL* of my Own, and that maybe, just maybe, I _might_ actually *KNOW* something they don't. And the idea that little 'ol _me_ could possibly know something my parents do not; Is still something their massive EGO's can just not stand for. Ce La Via. IV. When my 2nd dog died my parents decided to tell me by informing the Chaplain at my School. So there I was, surrounded by my 300 schoolmates, one fresh morning before school, and the chaplain says "We'd also like to pray for Huang's dog who died this morning..." I look to the seats reserved for parents and there are mine. Looking at me and nodding, the Bastards. While all my schoolmates are poking me and asking if it is true and I'm saying I don't know. Older kids trying to make me cry. Dick move folks. Cowardly & Dick Move. V. My Da the Architect finally had a building which was a _HUGE_ success, out by Candlestick park, and it was built next to two towers; A White One & A Black One. There was going to be a News Story about it and someone thought it would be "cute" if the "Architects Son" gave childish _Nicknames_ to those two buildings! Wouldn't that be cute! When Da told me that _I_ got to pick the names I was very, very, honored. I thought long & hard about what they should be named, but Da interrupted me, saying "Well, what do they look like? One's white & one is black, right?" Trying to lead me somewhere. "Chess Pieces," I guessed. "no!' He raged. "Like Darth Vadar & Luke Skywalker!" I liked the movies, but not enough to name buildings after them...
...The paper said I named them "Darth Vadar..."
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