Poem: Growing Colder

All you had to say was:
"Please don't leave.
I want you here.
I love you."
But you didn't say it.
So I left.
Going home to cry myself to sleep.
If I can sleep in that vibrating cement cell.
Why wouldn't you say it?
What is so hard about admitting to me
that you want me near?
I need it.
I needed to hear it.
I need to hear it from you,
the woman I love.

Instead I heard about how little
I meant to you.
How you'd never dream of
living with a man.
What were we talking about?
I was talking about dedicating my life to you...
you said "there is nothing you can do for me."
Dejected I looked back at my feet.
I want to make you so happy!
By God why can't you feel the same?
loseing everything I owned,
not expecting it meant you, too.

Feeling your sadness as I left,
I said you could e-mail to meet me.
A flash of your hate,
the true feeling there,
and you said:
"You can e-mail me."
A dumping if I ever heard one.

Sitting there, with you,
I felt every inch a fool.
Trapped like a friend,
while wishing I was your lover.
Why do you want me to feel so damn bad?
I've warned you and told you and begged you,
but still:
Refusal to lend me your heart.
I know deep inside you are not
a Cold Bitch,
so why do you show me this part?

My life's full of pain,
more than you'll ever know,
and to me Love's the balming which heals.
While you ration love by giving mere drops,
the amount that I need is a meal.

So play little girl,
go and play your raw games.
But come back to me when you're older.
When you're ready to give me
the love I deserve,
I hope that my heart's not grown colder.