Poem: X Wheel of Fortune

She is everything
I have ever wanted
ever needed
ever dreamed of
in a woman.
Gods, how I love her!
What's more:
I have loved her faithfully
for years.

But she has no vagina
or clitoris.

Rather she does have them,
and when I am with her
she seems to have them,
and enjoys me loving them.
Our bodies act on their own,
playing with each other
in natures most natural way.

And her beautiful brain
comes down like a wedge
saying
"who are you?"
"why are you touching me there?"
"I didn't say you could do that."
"Stop it."

The warmth we were just creating
dissipates to icicles.
Her brain and body fight,
then mine begins to follow suit,
though our battles are different.

I want to be inside the woman I love,
to give her the ultimate joy.
The woman I have loved
above all others
for the past four years,
in my body-emotion-complex.

My rational-mind-complex
tells me
I have no real reason to trust her,
based on her past actions.
More often I choose my Heart.
It is not always wrong,
nor is it inferior to Mind.

While she suffers
her body's and emotion's
betrayal of her Mind
and how dearly she wishes
her being would follow her orders.
When she wants me inside her,
she feels so guilty for thought,
that she can't go through with it.
The guilt clenching her stomach
almost making her ill.
Wishing she could be with me,
but her body fighting her
in accord with stronger and
more familiar emotions like
anxiety, guilt, and sorrow...

So that she is trapped
between different evils
and one must be picked.
And I am left with the same:
My nature is to love.
I am a lover
and I dearly love her.

Love, to me, is not some
ideological fallacy.
To "make love" is litteral
in my mind.
I know in many, these days,
sex has been perverted
to mean so many other things,
by bad, bad, people.
To me it still means Love.
When I do it with her.
And no one,
I mean no one,
have I ever treated like her...
Just to touch her cheek...
When she refuses my sex
I feel like one of "Them;"
the evil one's.
Like my father,
like her other boyfriend,
like all abusers in general.
I want to honor her.

And the few times that I get
to worship her as she deserves
with massages
and fingering
and head
and foot rubs
and candy
and all...

She never wants the same for me...

My cock will not be touched
unless I guide her hand to it.
No matter how much Cunnilingus I give
a kiss on my member wont happen.

I don't understand
these simple things.
I'm sure she does not fully either.
Though one of these days
we'll come to the Stand
that'll show us who's friction
has to stand still.