Poem: Mom #18

"You've never done anything right,
you have broken my heart.
You have chosen the way you live,
it's all your fault.
Everything is your fault.
Why can't you be like a normal person?"

My mother hadn't changed
in the year
since we had last spoken.
At first I think
it's the same woman
I have always known.
Then she says:

"We've even been talking about
what's wrong with you
recently."

She hasn't seen me in two years,
havn't spoken in one.
She knows nothing about me."

"We've been talking..."

What could she possibly
be saying about me
when she has no data
no truth.

And then it hits me;
I am obsolete.
The final humiliation.
Out-moded.
Useless.

First my stepfather
keeps me away from her.
Deletes my e-mails,
throws out my letters,
erases phone messages.

In my absence
he recreates me
in his own evil vision.
Now she longer needs to know
the truth about me.

She alrady knows.
And no matter what
actually happens to me,
no matter how much
I change;
It doesn't matter.

Because she is already
convinced
and will make up her own stories
about me.
Forever.

I am a 2-D image
a character on T.V.

How very sad
that the image
of me
she owns
is so very
ugly.

While I am so
beautiful
and she will never know.
Never be proud of me.
Never accept me.
And mostly
never forgive me.

For all she imagines
I do wrong.