Poem: Meeting her Friends

Meeting her friends
is a panic attack
even the thought
makes my heart hurt

They will scrutinize me
They will examine me
They will observe
and judge
my every action

Of Course
I would do the same
if I were in their position
protect those you love

I am afraid of scrutiny

Not because I am lacking
but because I am too much
too much to judge, in a moment

and I have no idea
how to explain myself

I spend much of my time
trying to understand myself
and if _I_ am still working on it
how can they have any hope?
In only a moment?

"It's a time of opportunity,"
the guy next to me at the bar says
as I write this

"She's trying to incorporate
me into her world!"
My mind screams

many have tried...
I feel part of them all,
but not a member of any.

I know
and have known
so
many
people

that I don't know what to do with
the memories...
Where is the room
for more
new people

Already I don't know
what to do with
the memories I have

Except to write them down
as stories
which can never reflect
the true stories
of the people that were
themselves

Though I rarely want to write
it's an artistic problem
to capture the beauty
of another.

But I must try
what else can I do?