Poem: Loving Again

Learning to love again
to find true interest
in another
loving all that they do
is frightening

Dredged up from
my oldest memories
I remember these
feelings
from long, long, ago

I wish to dive into
this river
and drown forever
fast and hard

But time tells me
this is the path
to failure and loss

Destroying my blessings
as soon as they appear
is one way to ensure
I do not have to face
The Love

I have been alone
and loney
for so long
it is comfortable
home to me

When the Devil
was first cast
into the fires of hell
he rallied his troops for a speach:
"This fire may burn us now...
But after Aeons of time
this same fire
will become to us
as mother's milk
and without it
we'd be lost"

I know now
what he means

love has never before
been so frighteneing
open, vulnerable, and new
A brief light
in the darkness
but darkness is my home

I wish to retreat
but where will it end?
If not now, then when?

Shall I live in the dark
for the rest of my days?

I could
I know
because many do

yet somehow I know
that's not what is meant
for me

all that's left to do
is be patient and wait
feel my new feelings
and not destroy the cause

I cannot control the world

surrender:
The only way.