Theory: Crisis as the Foundation of Relationships

Relationships: Friends, Family, Lovers, Co-workers, etc. I've been thinking a lot about human relationships lately, how they form, what makes them last, etc. I look at people on facebook and they have pictures with their friends where everyone is hugging and kissing and generally being very close to each other. I sometimes wonder why I don't have that kind of a bond with anyone and I have traced it to my lack of Crisis. All relationships are founded on Crisis, whether situational, emotional, mental, or whatnot. The more crisis which two people endure together, the closer their bond is. This is evidenced by co-dependence and the extreme difficulty many abused people have in leaving their abuser. The military, prisons, fraternities, and native indigenous religions and all well aware of this and create deliberate moments of crisis in order to make a bond between members of the group. And after the initiation, bootcamp, prison term, or hazing is over, the group is more unified for having survived.
To make a simplier example, let's say you and I are at a party and we meet for the first time and we're hanging out. We bullshit about our interests and whatnot and the night passes. At the end of the night you are very drunk and you are puking. This is a moment of crisis. You are embarrassed that you are so drunk and your a little scared. Suddenly I appear and take care of you, get you some water, call you a cab, whatever. The next morning you will feel a much more solid affinity for me, because in a moment of crisis, I was a support. Now I am a friend, when once I was an aquantance. Time goes on and we share more minor-party-crisis together, which reinforce our friendship, then one day my wife leaves me. It's a major crisis and I call you and you let me stay on your couch and help me through the divorce. After a crisis this big we are probobly very close friends because, we feel deeply, that we can "Trust" each other, based on historical solidarity.
For the most part, this is an unconscious process. The definition I have given to crisis here is esentially any altered state of consciousness. Because consciousness is fluid and constantly moving, the greater the change, the greater the bond which is formed. Think about all the experiences with bond people to each other: sex, birth, drugs, mutual experience, war, abuse, etc. In each example one's neurochemistry is changed and the more radically it alters, the more radical the bond can be.
So where does that leave me? I spend most of my life these days avoiding crisis and that removes the opportunity for me to make friends. Ah me.

Thoughts: Friends and their Lovers

What is this sick obsession my friends have about making me talk to their lovers/wives? It happened again the other night. Here I am pouring my heart out to an old friend on the telephone and he keeps saying "Why don't you talk to my wife about that? She knows all about that." But I didn't call his wife, I called him. I'm pretty much a one-on-one sorta person and I'm not accustomed to talking to multiple people at once. So despite my lack of interest I find the wives voice interloping on the phone and I do what comes naturally to me: I flirt with her outrageously. She get's very embarrassed and gives up trying to speak with me.
This is not an isolated incident. It has occurred many times with many people and it continues to occur. Why do people try to force their relationship onto me? It's their relationship and I'm really not interested. I imagine it has something to do with trying to share the love that they are a part of, trying to integrate me with their loving new community. Except it doesn't work. Ever. I just end up feeling more than ever that I have lost another friend and I will never get them back until I, too, have a "meaningful relationship" that I can share with them.
It's either very selfish of them, or else it's very well-intentioned and totally Naive to think they can add someone into my life because they are in a relationship with them. It's no secret that I am very picky about the people I associate with. And I always try to treat people as individuals, judging each person on a one-on-one basis. Sure, I respect my friends enough to trust their judgement and respect their lovers, but as I survey the long list of people I know.... none of them are ex-lovers of friends, and very few are ex-lovers of mine.
And so we come again to one of the overarching lessons about this phase of my life: People pair off. Then they try to get you to pair off, or become a part of their pair, because they cannot conceive of any other way to have you in their new "pair life." They bond together to create not two people together, but one person in two bodies. In the most extreme example of this, one of my oldest friends, invited me to play erotically with his lover and she was fine with it too. But I didn't, i couldn't. How could I? I am me and they are "Them." I miss my friends who are in long standing relationships. May they rest in peace.