Aleister Crowley is known for many things. In his Liber 777 he has a comprehensive series of tables of correspondence, where he finds the same supernatural archtypes from many different religious cultures and corresponds them with each other. Crowley made a lifetime study of different forms of magick; European witchcraft, German Ceremonial Magick, Indian Tantric practices, England Freemasonry, Buddhism, Taoism, Shintuism, the list goes on and on.
The one group that is notably left out of all of his work is that of West African, and African Diasporic traditions. He spent time in Egpyt and the Sahara, but still I can find very little actual reference to the systems of the Africans. This could simply be because he was racist, as this was the early 1900's and he is known for his character flaws.
There are two references in his work that point directly to African Magic, and I am forced to wonder if he ever understood what they meant. These are both from Liber Al Vel Legis, or The Book of the Law, which is to this day the holiest book of Thelema. Crowley claims that this was a text which was spoken to him by a higher intelligence that he then transcribed letter for letter:
Liber Al I,37:" Also the mantras and the spells; the obeah and the wanga; the work of the wand and the work of the sword; these he shall learn and teach."
Crowley indeed spent much of his life "learning and teaching" the "work of the wand and the work of the sword." What what is this obeah and wanga? Obeah specifically refers to an African healing charm (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obeah) but that was not very widely known in Crowley's time. Wanga has a similarly obscure meaniing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mojo). When reflecting on this Crowley in his Confessions says.
"The obeah is the magick of the Secret Light with special reference to acts; the wanga is the verbal or mental correspondence of the same. [...] The "obeah" being the acts, and the "wanga" the words, proper to Magick, the two cover the whole world of external expression."
This is a pretty weak explanation and typical of his ass-covering. But this is only one of a few other key correspondences between Thelema and West African religion, particularly Ifa.
In the introduction to Liber Al Vel Legis Crowley writes:
"This book explains the Universe. The elements are Nuit-Space-that is, the total of possibilities of every kind-and Hadit, any point which has experience of possibilities. Every event is a uniting of some one monad with one of the experiences possible to it."
He later elaborates more to explain that Hadit is light, while Nuit is dark, Hadit is the circle without circumference and hadit is the center, etc.
Awo Fa'Lokun Fatunmbi writes in Ifa and the Theology of Ifa divination:
"Most systems of metaphysics are based on the belief that the primal polarity that sustains the physical universe is the tension between expansion and contraction. In Ifa this polarity is usually described as the relationship between darkness and light."
There is a lot more to this, but I am feeling lazy so I will just give these few examples.
Now besides Liber Al vel Legis, Crowley's theory of initiation centered around the initiate gaining "Knowledge of and conversation with thier Holy Guardian Angel." The Holy Guardian Angel is envisioned as some sort of higher self who, once you can talk to them, can give you magic information and powers and neat stuff like that. The method Crowley used to gain his level of initiation was taken directly from The Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage and requires the participant to stay secluded for 9 month and do a series of rituals, baths, and prayers every day and such.
Today in modern day African Diasporic Religons, and for thousands of years in Africa in one form or another; the first goal of each participant is to discover which "Orisha" or archtypal diety is the particular guardian of their head. Once that is discovered they go on to be "Crowned with their Orisha," which means elaborate rituals and up to a year seclution, while the participant learns to hear and communicate with their diety.
Chapter 3 of Liber Al mentions blood sacrifice. I have yet to meet a Thelamite who made a blood sacrifice except menses, personal, or semen(which is sometimes called white blood), although the Africans have been for a long time. Yes the connections between African magic and Thelema are thick and this is just the begining. But why shouldn't they? Crowley was incredibly inspired by Egypt.
The second holiest document in the Thelemic tradition is the "Stele of Revealing," which Crowley Saw in Egypt after writing the book of the law. The archeologists had numbered the Stele 666, which was the final proof to Crowley that it was about him and his recently written Book of the Law. A copy and translation of the Stele is found in every copy of Liber Al. The Stele has two sides. The first with a story about a priest - Ankh-af-na-Khonsu and a picture of a priest in a leopard skin pelt making an offering to the Egyptian God Ra-Hoor-Khuit. Leopard skin pelt was a sign of the priestly class during that Dynasty of Egypt. It also persists to this day in the African Diasporic Traditions as denoting a Priest of Shango or Orunmila. Shango is called the Orisha who was in love with witchcraft (pointing back to Liber Al).
While writing this I hillariously stumbled over this article on wikipedia, trying to explain what Crowley meant by his Obeah and Wanga: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obeah_and_Wanga
it's bizarre that this topic even got a page! And soooo misinformed. Sad, sad Wikipedia. But also there does seem to be a strong Thelemic faction lording over Crowley-related information on the Internet and they are rabidly against anything that they percieve as threatening their religion. Crowley is rolling in his grave... and it probably serves him right.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Thoughts: Children of my Own
I was recently asked by a spiritual leader whom I respect to meditate on "what children meant to me." This person noticed that any time the topic of my having children came up I had a fervently negative reaction... And so I meditate on it....
I get along very well with children, they all seem to like me and me them. But the idea of _my_ child is disturbing to me, genetically. I don't have anything against adopting and I like to imagine that if there was a time in my life that I felt ready to be responsible for another human life I would adopt... but my specific child is very scary. First of all, I am not pleased with the way my parents raised me. Similarly they are not pleased with the way their parents raised them adn I imagine it goes on ad infinitum like this. So I know, from personal experience, that I hold some genes for a miserable family life. Although I obviously hold other genes as well, for spirituality and academic ability, etc... my life has been very painful, despite the joys, and I would not wish it, nor anything like it onto another human being. Also the shoddy job that I perceive in my parents was due to existing character flaws that they had when I was born. I am well aware that everyone has character flaws and I am working on mine all the time. The thought of imposing my flaws onto the innocent young life of my child is not encouraging.
I have had very dear friends have children. I love these new mothers and fathers. I respect their bravery, courage, and passion. And I have also seen how they interact with their offspring. The evidence is not encouraging. Maybe my standards are just too high. We are all human in the end. But parenting is an incredible mantle of responsibility, which I cannot really imagine assuming. It enough just to brush my teeth every night.
All of my pets died when I was growing up. Most of the deaths were not my fault. 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 lovebirds, a tarantula, a lizard, 23 goldfish, 1 beta fish, 2 ant farms, etc... I got used to death. I am often told I should get a cat or pet, that it would be good for me. But i cannot be that selfish. I will not take responsibility for another life, whether it is a child or a cat, until I can be sure that I will take care of the duty I owe to such a life.
As it stands now, the majority of my energy is spent in learning how to take care of myself in the best way possible. If I ever figure that out, then will come the time to choose whether I would like to pass that on to another. Whether pet, student, or child.
These are my thoughts about children and me. My mother says I can't know how much love a person can feel until they have a child. And I say back to her, , "and at this rate, I never will." But I see that love in the eyes and actions of friends dear to me who have spawned. It is obviously a joy and a blessing to have a child. A being of pure love, passing on your wisdom, watching them form into their own person. Many African tribes rate your success in the world by how much you have spawned.
These are my thoughts for the night.
I get along very well with children, they all seem to like me and me them. But the idea of _my_ child is disturbing to me, genetically. I don't have anything against adopting and I like to imagine that if there was a time in my life that I felt ready to be responsible for another human life I would adopt... but my specific child is very scary. First of all, I am not pleased with the way my parents raised me. Similarly they are not pleased with the way their parents raised them adn I imagine it goes on ad infinitum like this. So I know, from personal experience, that I hold some genes for a miserable family life. Although I obviously hold other genes as well, for spirituality and academic ability, etc... my life has been very painful, despite the joys, and I would not wish it, nor anything like it onto another human being. Also the shoddy job that I perceive in my parents was due to existing character flaws that they had when I was born. I am well aware that everyone has character flaws and I am working on mine all the time. The thought of imposing my flaws onto the innocent young life of my child is not encouraging.
I have had very dear friends have children. I love these new mothers and fathers. I respect their bravery, courage, and passion. And I have also seen how they interact with their offspring. The evidence is not encouraging. Maybe my standards are just too high. We are all human in the end. But parenting is an incredible mantle of responsibility, which I cannot really imagine assuming. It enough just to brush my teeth every night.
All of my pets died when I was growing up. Most of the deaths were not my fault. 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 lovebirds, a tarantula, a lizard, 23 goldfish, 1 beta fish, 2 ant farms, etc... I got used to death. I am often told I should get a cat or pet, that it would be good for me. But i cannot be that selfish. I will not take responsibility for another life, whether it is a child or a cat, until I can be sure that I will take care of the duty I owe to such a life.
As it stands now, the majority of my energy is spent in learning how to take care of myself in the best way possible. If I ever figure that out, then will come the time to choose whether I would like to pass that on to another. Whether pet, student, or child.
These are my thoughts about children and me. My mother says I can't know how much love a person can feel until they have a child. And I say back to her, , "and at this rate, I never will." But I see that love in the eyes and actions of friends dear to me who have spawned. It is obviously a joy and a blessing to have a child. A being of pure love, passing on your wisdom, watching them form into their own person. Many African tribes rate your success in the world by how much you have spawned.
These are my thoughts for the night.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Poem: The Prison of Culture
I would not wish my life on anyone.
Though equally
I would not wish to have
anyone else's life.
Starting another semester
at another school
I just turned 28
and I can't imagine
what I would be doing
if I wasn't
a professional student
Surrounded by
beautiful young women
and people of all kinds
looking to better themselves
or their lives
The energy at college
always vibrant and alive
fresh with hope
and belief that
their lives will be better
Yet I know
from experience
that most of those here
will not go on
to follow their dreams
there is only so much room
in this world
for
Sociologists, Artists, Scientists,
Writers, Psychologists,
and what-have-you.
The lie that they tell you is
that you can be whatever you want
Meanwhile
the bills start piling up
maybe you fall in love
have to take care of a family emergency
or decide to have a baby
No matter what it is
something usually happens
and I have come to believe
that the
eye in the triangle
is counting on this
So today I am grateful for my life
and the choices I have made
Grateful that I am in school
accruing somethings they call
"debt" and "credit" -
Though I am not quite sure
what either of those are
Looking at pretty girls
and studying my areas of interest
are my passion
Meanwhile my friends and peers
are locked into systems
of work and marriage
of addiction and soul searching
spending their free time
feverishly
making up for the time they waste
in Wage-Slavery
creating Art wherever possible
to balance the soul-less-ness
of modern western society
Yes
I am truly grateful today
for all my ills and troubles
the fact that I am still
not a wage slave
seems to balance it all out
I do not think the ghost of
"debt"
will ever catch up to me
Humans have yet to create a system
without loopholes and flaws
it's part of our nature
and finding them
is part of mine
If the "debt" does catch me
one day
far in the future
I will still be proud
For spending my youth
in the best possible way
and refusing to succumb
to the prison
of culture
Though equally
I would not wish to have
anyone else's life.
Starting another semester
at another school
I just turned 28
and I can't imagine
what I would be doing
if I wasn't
a professional student
Surrounded by
beautiful young women
and people of all kinds
looking to better themselves
or their lives
The energy at college
always vibrant and alive
fresh with hope
and belief that
their lives will be better
Yet I know
from experience
that most of those here
will not go on
to follow their dreams
there is only so much room
in this world
for
Sociologists, Artists, Scientists,
Writers, Psychologists,
and what-have-you.
The lie that they tell you is
that you can be whatever you want
Meanwhile
the bills start piling up
maybe you fall in love
have to take care of a family emergency
or decide to have a baby
No matter what it is
something usually happens
and I have come to believe
that the
eye in the triangle
is counting on this
So today I am grateful for my life
and the choices I have made
Grateful that I am in school
accruing somethings they call
"debt" and "credit" -
Though I am not quite sure
what either of those are
Looking at pretty girls
and studying my areas of interest
are my passion
Meanwhile my friends and peers
are locked into systems
of work and marriage
of addiction and soul searching
spending their free time
feverishly
making up for the time they waste
in Wage-Slavery
creating Art wherever possible
to balance the soul-less-ness
of modern western society
Yes
I am truly grateful today
for all my ills and troubles
the fact that I am still
not a wage slave
seems to balance it all out
I do not think the ghost of
"debt"
will ever catch up to me
Humans have yet to create a system
without loopholes and flaws
it's part of our nature
and finding them
is part of mine
If the "debt" does catch me
one day
far in the future
I will still be proud
For spending my youth
in the best possible way
and refusing to succumb
to the prison
of culture
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Poem: The Walls
I am afraid of walls
I'm not sure when it started
I was a prisoner in my home
as a child
I had no choice then
I ran away
many times
and though it was hard
I never missed the walls
Later I would turn 18
and go to jail a week later
I ran away many times
but often went to jail
the new walls
After jail
at the age of a man
I was a prisoner in my world
of states, schools, money, and culture
I tried to run
many times
And I still am.
I'm not sure when it started
I was a prisoner in my home
as a child
I had no choice then
I ran away
many times
and though it was hard
I never missed the walls
Later I would turn 18
and go to jail a week later
I ran away many times
but often went to jail
the new walls
After jail
at the age of a man
I was a prisoner in my world
of states, schools, money, and culture
I tried to run
many times
And I still am.
Poem: Porn
Porn is deviously deceptive
illusory Maya reality
at it's best
A beautiful young teen
Fucking
an Ugly Old Man
gives all men hope
false hope
that one day, they too
when they are old and ugly
can fuck young teens
But they only see the picture
they do not see the months
that the old pervert stalks
and plans
they do not see
the payment he gives her
or the shame she bares
for the rest of her life
Just a picture
one good-looking moment
out of millions of
pathetic
sad
hurtful
embarassing
shallow
and depraved
moments
I used to think
it was all fun and games
"porn is good!" I'd proclaim proudly
Now that I know
that our nervous system
cannot tell the difference
between
Imagination and Reality
I am forced to wonder...
Our predecessors
who came before us
so that we could have life
did not have the internet porn
that we have today
Reality is created
by our experiences
both real
and imagined
illusory Maya reality
at it's best
A beautiful young teen
Fucking
an Ugly Old Man
gives all men hope
false hope
that one day, they too
when they are old and ugly
can fuck young teens
But they only see the picture
they do not see the months
that the old pervert stalks
and plans
they do not see
the payment he gives her
or the shame she bares
for the rest of her life
Just a picture
one good-looking moment
out of millions of
pathetic
sad
hurtful
embarassing
shallow
and depraved
moments
I used to think
it was all fun and games
"porn is good!" I'd proclaim proudly
Now that I know
that our nervous system
cannot tell the difference
between
Imagination and Reality
I am forced to wonder...
Our predecessors
who came before us
so that we could have life
did not have the internet porn
that we have today
Reality is created
by our experiences
both real
and imagined
Poem: Soldier Town
Max would fit in well here
shallow, soldier-boy Max.
In rooms of culture
I find myself appreciated.
In ruins of culture
an oddity.
I would not wish for mediocrity
as simple as it seems.
And Mexican music
sounds better
when surrounded by the
white upper class.
shallow, soldier-boy Max.
In rooms of culture
I find myself appreciated.
In ruins of culture
an oddity.
I would not wish for mediocrity
as simple as it seems.
And Mexican music
sounds better
when surrounded by the
white upper class.
Poem: Lacking
I miss her terribly
though try as I might
calling seems selfish
as I am not there
I am the older
and may know better
how distance love burns
I am like an alien here
fitting in nowhere
and most people my age
busy busy busy
with work
just trying to survive
It is said that
only the boring
are bored
forced by boredom
and empty desert poverty
to face myself completely
I find that i am lacking
though try as I might
calling seems selfish
as I am not there
I am the older
and may know better
how distance love burns
I am like an alien here
fitting in nowhere
and most people my age
busy busy busy
with work
just trying to survive
It is said that
only the boring
are bored
forced by boredom
and empty desert poverty
to face myself completely
I find that i am lacking
Poem: Soul Teachings
Do you believe
that your body
can teach you?
Like an
antenna
my body teaches me
the mind is not
all-controller
it is but one
of many
they all try
try so hard
and soft
to teach my
Soul
something
many things
that's why I'm here,
no?
that your body
can teach you?
Like an
antenna
my body teaches me
the mind is not
all-controller
it is but one
of many
they all try
try so hard
and soft
to teach my
Soul
something
many things
that's why I'm here,
no?
Poem: Time is Changing (again)
Tine is changing again
just as I was getting comfortable
I always know
that circumstances
are temporary
and the change is always
for the best
But I will miss Santa Cruz
and the time I had there
I got what I could
and learned what I needed to
now it is time to move on
Nothing good would come
from me staying
everything which
you will not let go of
will be taken from you
better to leave
with grace and forethought
than to crash
in sadness and horror
I've felt it coming for some time
from deep down inside
the next chapter of my life
the next chapter of my book
Being a homeless drunk
was better than
being a homeless heroin addict
being in rehab
was better than
being a homeless drunk
living with my Uncle in Sacramento
was better than rehab
and Santa Cruz
was better than Sacramento
Surely my life will continue to improve
no profit in pining
for things already lost
better to focus on the good
of things to come
All of which
are in store for me
just as I was getting comfortable
I always know
that circumstances
are temporary
and the change is always
for the best
But I will miss Santa Cruz
and the time I had there
I got what I could
and learned what I needed to
now it is time to move on
Nothing good would come
from me staying
everything which
you will not let go of
will be taken from you
better to leave
with grace and forethought
than to crash
in sadness and horror
I've felt it coming for some time
from deep down inside
the next chapter of my life
the next chapter of my book
Being a homeless drunk
was better than
being a homeless heroin addict
being in rehab
was better than
being a homeless drunk
living with my Uncle in Sacramento
was better than rehab
and Santa Cruz
was better than Sacramento
Surely my life will continue to improve
no profit in pining
for things already lost
better to focus on the good
of things to come
All of which
are in store for me
Poem: Dark Intimations
Woke up scared
this morning
needing to hide
then I got angry
at an old friend
for treating me badly
I want to stay inside today
and hide
glad I don't have
much to do
Dark intimations
of my future
"Everything will change"
the wind says
and soon
this morning
needing to hide
then I got angry
at an old friend
for treating me badly
I want to stay inside today
and hide
glad I don't have
much to do
Dark intimations
of my future
"Everything will change"
the wind says
and soon
Poem: Our First Date
It's almost midnight
and we are standing
by the ocean
together
I put my arm around her shoulder
resting my head on hers
It's the first time
and it feels good
very good
my penis begins to stiffen
"Traitor!"
I yell at it silently to myself
"Not now!"
But it continues to throb
I ignore it successfully
but never-the-less
I wish it wouldn't intrude.
and we are standing
by the ocean
together
I put my arm around her shoulder
resting my head on hers
It's the first time
and it feels good
very good
my penis begins to stiffen
"Traitor!"
I yell at it silently to myself
"Not now!"
But it continues to throb
I ignore it successfully
but never-the-less
I wish it wouldn't intrude.
Poem: Meeting her Friends
Meeting her friends
is a panic attack
even the thought
makes my heart hurt
They will scrutinize me
They will examine me
They will observe
and judge
my every action
Of Course
I would do the same
if I were in their position
protect those you love
I am afraid of scrutiny
Not because I am lacking
but because I am too much
too much to judge, in a moment
and I have no idea
how to explain myself
I spend much of my time
trying to understand myself
and if _I_ am still working on it
how can they have any hope?
In only a moment?
"It's a time of opportunity,"
the guy next to me at the bar says
as I write this
"She's trying to incorporate
me into her world!"
My mind screams
many have tried...
I feel part of them all,
but not a member of any.
I know
and have known
so
many
people
that I don't know what to do with
the memories...
Where is the room
for more
new people
Already I don't know
what to do with
the memories I have
Except to write them down
as stories
which can never reflect
the true stories
of the people that were
themselves
Though I rarely want to write
it's an artistic problem
to capture the beauty
of another.
But I must try
what else can I do?
is a panic attack
even the thought
makes my heart hurt
They will scrutinize me
They will examine me
They will observe
and judge
my every action
Of Course
I would do the same
if I were in their position
protect those you love
I am afraid of scrutiny
Not because I am lacking
but because I am too much
too much to judge, in a moment
and I have no idea
how to explain myself
I spend much of my time
trying to understand myself
and if _I_ am still working on it
how can they have any hope?
In only a moment?
"It's a time of opportunity,"
the guy next to me at the bar says
as I write this
"She's trying to incorporate
me into her world!"
My mind screams
many have tried...
I feel part of them all,
but not a member of any.
I know
and have known
so
many
people
that I don't know what to do with
the memories...
Where is the room
for more
new people
Already I don't know
what to do with
the memories I have
Except to write them down
as stories
which can never reflect
the true stories
of the people that were
themselves
Though I rarely want to write
it's an artistic problem
to capture the beauty
of another.
But I must try
what else can I do?
Poem: Compromise
Compromise
does not come naturally to me
any more
but she deserves it
The majority of compromises
I have made in my life
have been made not for love
but for survival or safety
That must be why
I feel so used
every time I make one
But these are different kinds
I live alone
do not go out much
and rarely hang out with friends
I need to learn
that these two
are not the same
Compromise
does not mean
failure
does not mean
giving up control
does not mean
being weak
does not mean
having less fun
It is a choice
a decision which is made
that gives it's own rewards
different from those given
by not compromising
does not come naturally to me
any more
but she deserves it
The majority of compromises
I have made in my life
have been made not for love
but for survival or safety
That must be why
I feel so used
every time I make one
But these are different kinds
I live alone
do not go out much
and rarely hang out with friends
I need to learn
that these two
are not the same
Compromise
does not mean
failure
does not mean
giving up control
does not mean
being weak
does not mean
having less fun
It is a choice
a decision which is made
that gives it's own rewards
different from those given
by not compromising
Poem: The Great Secret
You can tell someone
the greatest magickal secret
in the universe
If they are not ready
they will not hear
This is why every magickal society
has degrees of initiation.
Because a person is not ready
to understand certain truths
until they have learned
more basic truths.
They will just ignore it.
the greatest magickal secret
in the universe
If they are not ready
they will not hear
This is why every magickal society
has degrees of initiation.
Because a person is not ready
to understand certain truths
until they have learned
more basic truths.
They will just ignore it.
Poem: Loving Again
Learning to love again
to find true interest
in another
loving all that they do
is frightening
Dredged up from
my oldest memories
I remember these
feelings
from long, long, ago
I wish to dive into
this river
and drown forever
fast and hard
But time tells me
this is the path
to failure and loss
Destroying my blessings
as soon as they appear
is one way to ensure
I do not have to face
The Love
I have been alone
and loney
for so long
it is comfortable
home to me
When the Devil
was first cast
into the fires of hell
he rallied his troops for a speach:
"This fire may burn us now...
But after Aeons of time
this same fire
will become to us
as mother's milk
and without it
we'd be lost"
I know now
what he means
love has never before
been so frighteneing
open, vulnerable, and new
A brief light
in the darkness
but darkness is my home
I wish to retreat
but where will it end?
If not now, then when?
Shall I live in the dark
for the rest of my days?
I could
I know
because many do
yet somehow I know
that's not what is meant
for me
all that's left to do
is be patient and wait
feel my new feelings
and not destroy the cause
I cannot control the world
surrender:
The only way.
to find true interest
in another
loving all that they do
is frightening
Dredged up from
my oldest memories
I remember these
feelings
from long, long, ago
I wish to dive into
this river
and drown forever
fast and hard
But time tells me
this is the path
to failure and loss
Destroying my blessings
as soon as they appear
is one way to ensure
I do not have to face
The Love
I have been alone
and loney
for so long
it is comfortable
home to me
When the Devil
was first cast
into the fires of hell
he rallied his troops for a speach:
"This fire may burn us now...
But after Aeons of time
this same fire
will become to us
as mother's milk
and without it
we'd be lost"
I know now
what he means
love has never before
been so frighteneing
open, vulnerable, and new
A brief light
in the darkness
but darkness is my home
I wish to retreat
but where will it end?
If not now, then when?
Shall I live in the dark
for the rest of my days?
I could
I know
because many do
yet somehow I know
that's not what is meant
for me
all that's left to do
is be patient and wait
feel my new feelings
and not destroy the cause
I cannot control the world
surrender:
The only way.
Poem: Sober Again
Every time I get sober
I have to face my past
It's not that it's
horrible
to think about
nor painful
The sheer mass of
disparate experiences
seems too much
to process
to understand
When I remember my past
I feel it
I remember the pain
of jail
the hollow desperation
of junk
the egotism
of my youth
the ignorance
of first loves...
I don't know
what to do
with these memories
So I feel I must
write them down
to exorcise them
if you will
onto paper
so that I may continue
in peace
I have to face my past
It's not that it's
horrible
to think about
nor painful
The sheer mass of
disparate experiences
seems too much
to process
to understand
When I remember my past
I feel it
I remember the pain
of jail
the hollow desperation
of junk
the egotism
of my youth
the ignorance
of first loves...
I don't know
what to do
with these memories
So I feel I must
write them down
to exorcise them
if you will
onto paper
so that I may continue
in peace
Poem: The Time it has Passed
The time is has passed
for me to be
the sort of man
I used to be
I had my time
to sloth
and fret
and by my word
I don't regret
Like leaves
they fall
away from me:
my vices, bad habits,
my illness and needs
To grow in their place
a peace most remembered
from times when my dreams
were not torn and rendered
for me to be
the sort of man
I used to be
I had my time
to sloth
and fret
and by my word
I don't regret
Like leaves
they fall
away from me:
my vices, bad habits,
my illness and needs
To grow in their place
a peace most remembered
from times when my dreams
were not torn and rendered
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